Yesterday I had the delightful opportunity of stopping by my Ob/Gyn's office to have a little procedure done. Alright...since we are all friends and I'm sure you are asking yourselves "what is she having done"...I'll just come right out and say it...I got an IUD. See, there's no harm in that is there...it's not like I'm JK Rowling and just announced that my Dr. is homosexual or for that matter that I am! It's not like I stormed into his office demanding that he take another look down under to see what the heck is wrong with me...Geesh people, get off my back! (Oh...you weren't on my back in the first place...oh...you don't really care what I was doing there...oh...my bad, sorry!) Ok, back to the story at hand...so I went in to my dear doctor that I have known for years and used to work for, I feel like I know him pretty well, after all, he and his wife even came to our wedding. So I'm not usually too humiliated to see him, he's a very funny guy and likes to joke around while working. But this time is a bit different because for those of you who haven't had the pleasure of having an IUD, you have to do it while "SHE'S" here...you know, your uninvited monthly guest...the reason you turn suddenly into Sybil with no warning...yep, that's what I'm talking about! Now, that ladies, is gross...no way around it! So I'm on the table in stirrups (what am I, a horse?) waiting for the Dr and in he comes, joking around as usual. The first thing he says while his face is directly pointed at my forbidden zone is, "Gosh, I just barely saw you, I've missed you too"..! Ok, you have to know this guy, he is hilarious and completely joking! He goes on to do his work...which is a bit painful by the way...the whole time trying to make small talk with me, asking about my trip to Europe and such. Now I'll give the guy credit for trying but c'mon...do you know how difficult it is to carry on a conversation while you have a bright light shining directly on your Cha Cha and cold and painful devices going where they should not be going? It's not like I'm sitting down having tea and biscuits with the guy!
But not to worry your pretty little heads...I did survive, even if I did leave some of my pride back at that examining table! So for any of you rushing to have this done, don't say I didn't warn you!
15 comments:
Whoa. First of all, I have an IUD too and I wasn't on the raggy when they jammed it up there. Now I'm worried it isn't working and I am going to get myself knocked up. Second of all, that doctor is a crack up. I personally prefer no chit chat while he'd doing his business up there. I like to go to my happy place and not make conversation.
Oh Melissa, you poor thing. You are such a GREAT sport! So relieved to know you're comfy with your funny doc. I've never thought the insertion process would be so entertaining! Really, I'm unfamiliar with the process and I'm happy that you explained it so colorfully. ;0)
I'm with Holly...find your happy place and pray that it gets over soon. I thought the picture of the scope was a curling iron (like one you got in Europe..a little different style or something?!)... then I started reading and took another look. Oh, THAT'S what she's talking about. Hope all is well with you!
i don't like the chit chat either. seriously - i've got my legs spread. it makes me vulnerable. a person only wants to talk dirty with that going on. haha. i'm cracking myself up. sorry!
hayley and holly...:)
that little plastic chip better work miracles. your doctor is a stud. I personally like the chit chat too...ANYTHING to not have to sit and concentrate on what he's got a bird's eye view of, or the pain he is surely inflicting. ewww
I knew I was in trouble to further read on after I saw that picture of "the clamp"! ha ha
Holy Crap! I thought that thing was a cork screw. When I finally realized what it was it gave me the chills. Ew! I didn't know it had to be red dawn when they did it. How do gyno's deal with crotches. Ew! Last gyno trip for me the dog pranced in before I was finished dressing. niiiiice. Anyway you crack me up Melissa. Kaitlin just asked me to please stop laughing because I'm bothering her.
Melissa, you know you've got a special talent when you can make your IUD insertion so funny! Man, you almost make me want to head over and get one myself, just for the laughs. Or maybe I'll just reread your blog instead.;)
Um...I meant to say doctor came in not dog. I am cookoo.
Been there, done that, thanks for bringing up the memory:)
I wondered why there was a dog in your story, Jori!! Glad that you cleared it up! Great way to make a pretty non-fun event funny, Melissa! Still laughing. (sorry about that!)
Oh my! I've thought about getting an IUD but maybe not... haha Your obgyn sounds like he has a good old time :)
you are frakkin hilarious!!! i'm dying on this one. but an iud is a good thing, girl. totally worth the trouble.
Okay, so you got a little work under the hood done. No biggy. At least they sent you on your merry way and you were able to walk with your normal gate. The last time I was strapped down on a sacrificial gurney I limped for days. If I could produce again I'm pretty certain that those children would limp as well. It didn't involve some little piece of plastic either, no sir this took some special scrotum scapula that the sight of which causes men to poop down both legs. I won't begin to go into the horror because my Therapist says I wear Big Boy pants now. But trust me on this one An IUD errrrrr WMD........... PUD.......... or Sandra Dee ain't nothing compared to getting your boys cauterized.(It's spelled right, but I had to look it up). Love Ya Babe, RC
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